The Toxin Eating You Alive

Curious what I am convinced is eating you from the inside out?   I bet you anything, you'll probably agree (at least somewhat).   I see it all the time, and I don't think I can honestly say I have a single mommy friend that hasn't confirmed it's presence in their lives.   It's something I just want to talk about because it's been on my mind like crazy.   I know everyone is aware of it.  I know no one will be able to eradicate it.  But I want to encourage all of us.   So... what is it???

Two words: "Mommy Guilt".   Am I totally right?   It's human nature.   I imagine it is a sign that you are a great and often selfless mom.   But doesn't it just seem like something that is so hard to shake, and so easy to do?   I pile it on all the time.   I wonder and worry about a hundred times a day what horrible effects my parenting is having on my kids.   Isn't that crazy?  My children are well fed, healthy, learning each day, exercising, limited screen time.  Not too bad.  I'd tell any of my friends in my shoes, "Good job!  They are fine and you are only human, stop worrying!"

But even so I find myself second guessing when I feed them non-organic foods; foods with chemical sounding ingredients; or super sugary snacks.  I find myself going back and forth on it.  I think Hey, I was raised on all kinds of stuff that we've since learned "isn't the best" according to science, but I turned out ok. Then I wonder if I turned out ok. ;)

The biggest one: Did I trigger the Autism somehow? Doesn't matter.  I did what I knew best to do (like all the other Autism moms), and I am doing the best I can now (like all the other Autism moms).

I also feel like BLAH if I am not doing everything and doing it perfectly.  Then I remember I'm just Jill, not Jesus.  And what about "What would Jesus do?"  I bet he wouldn't be flippin' and trippin' about having fingerprints on windows. 

I think our perspectives get so skewed and that is a large part of the problem.  We are so involved in ourselves that we end up living in a world where we beat ourselves down.  We want a big house; we get a bigger house with more square feet to clutter and clean.  We want all the kitchen gadgets to enable us to make anything our heart desires "easily"; and we end up with more to wash, more cooking and baking to do.  We spend money on a million outfits to make sure we always look "hot" (or hot-ish); but then we have more clothes to wash.  We want all these things because sitting in our little world, we think they will make us happy once and for all.

I think all the time about how much has changed in this last century.  While there are so many amazing advances and improvements, I ask myself: What has changed for the worse?  The American dream seems to have become, "Get everything you can get your hands on.  Get more than everyone else.  Be perfect while you do it.  And if you can't be perfect, fake it." 

I know I am straight ranting at this point (I've actually even had to edit whole paragraphs to keep from going too off topic).  But if you've stayed with me thus far, please let me finally make my point.  I love the advances we've made in technology and medicine etc... But I hate that we've let it become a tool that we use to guilt ourselves to death over.  Most of us moms are doing our best, and we need to remember that our best is our best.  There is nothing more we can do.  And I am willing to bet that despite how much you nag at yourself about being the world's worst mom, your children will never consider that the case when they are grown.  I know my mom always tells me that she didn't know what she was doing when she started raising us and she just kind of winged it.  Yet my whole life, I've always had so many wonderful memories of the magical person she was to me.  She still amazes me as an adult.  So I would like to think that, while I am winging it with Kekito and Danny, they are storing magic mommy memories.
All I am asking is that you cut yourselves so slack.  I'll have to keep telling myself that too.  We are all winging it, so lets help support each other!


The Blonde Duck said...

Popped in from SITS to say hi!

Zen-Chakra said...

Don’t be so hard on yourself! Being a mom is one of the hardest jobs. Yes, yes everyone says that, but it is true! When I have a position open at my company I actively seek out moms. Why? They are incredible at thinking on their feet, enormous multi-taskers, calm in crazy situations and often calm others, and they are caring and sympathetic. Those are qualities that only a mother could have!

TzuTse said...

You can do all the wrong things with kids and they end up being intelligent, well adjusted adults---and the opposite is also true. There are so many factors involved, and then there's the randomness of the universe and God to consider. Just my 2 cents.....:-)

Sublime Dream said...

Auntie TzeTse- I AGREE! =)